Week 31 - Where's Your Grammar?

There are few things likely to get writers of any genre - whether fiction writers or journalists (or those of us who have a foot in each camp) - as riled up as issues of grammar.

All right, I may be exaggerating. There may be more pressing issues to discuss: pre-emptive strikes on Iran, the current financial meltdown, the height of Gwyneth Paltrow’s heels... These are all worthy of our time; but there’s just something about grammar.

Those of us attempting to eek out a living from the written word are understandably protective of the tools of our trade, just like any other profession.

The difference is that while a painter may lovingly look after his collection of brushes, he is unlikely to be presented with Joe Bloggs using them to spread glue in his scrapbook collection of beer mats of the Western Hemisphere.

Yet those of us who use words daily have to endure cavalier misuse everywhere we turn. However, most of us try to be philosophic about it and be satisfied by mumbling under our breaths something about the loss of the eleven-plus (even if we’re far too young to actually know what the eleven-plus was).

The real trouble starts when writers disagree among themselves. Just like the miss rule in snooker or the off-side rule in football (or for that matter, all the rules in American Football), no one really seems to agree on certain interpretations or even worse, be able to explain them to others.

A few weeks ago, I got a call from someone to say that they had spotted a mistake in my website - I had written: “...in the mean time feel free to follow my work...” They were adamant that “mean time” should be one word, while I was convinced it should be two.

Now I am not suggesting that this resulted in pistols at dawn (more like lattes at lunch), but there was a healthy debate which finished without agreement.

While I was sure I was right, I thought I’d better check. So I looked it up and saw that in the context I had used the phrase I was right. Just as I was wallowing in my self-satisfied moment of righteousness, I got a call to say that my doubter had looked it up and he was right.

This raised a question that writers and journalists can discuss until the cows come home (as long as they come home before the pubs open): which grammar book do you use?

I was using The Oxford Writers’ Dictionary while Claimant B was using the Longman Guide to English Usage. If they can’t agree, how are us lesser mortals supposed to?

I have always found the Oxford book a good guide; but of course you also have to take in to account any house style - whether you’re writing for a particular newspaper or for a publishing house.

Neither of these books will help you write better, though; only more accurately. If it’s a matter of style, I really don’t think you can beat Harold Evans’ Essential English for Journalists, Editors and Writers.

These musings on grammar have been a result of my finally reaching the point in my second draft where I have introduced my new character. His name is Dr Styles and I intended for him to be a professor of English language - and by definition an expert on grammar.

The problem is that as characters tend to take on a voice of their own, I might end up disagreeing over a point of usage and that could cause all sorts of problems.

Time for a re-think.

In the mean time, I will continue to write and offer this piece of advice. Always keep a good style/grammar guide by your side; and if things get a little heated with a fellow scribe, try to have a mature discussion and if you can’t agree, agree to disagree.

Or just throw your grammar guide at them. They clearly need it more than you do.